Let’s admit it. At some point in our life, we all have held on to a massive secret which we thought could be a game changer if let out. But that wasn’t the real issue. The bigger challenge was the self-restraint in not blurting it out. Its in your DNA. Since our toddler days we all have this urge to keep that ONE clandestine fact to ourselves. For me it started with that chocolate that I stole from the fridge when mom was sleeping. Like all kids I was expressly forbidden from such guilty pleasures and it became imperative to breach that pact. The temptation of keeping it a secret was natural!

At school I distinctly remember the secret language I devised with my best friend so that we could exchange folded chits to kill time during boring classes. It felt Einstein-ish at that time to be able to come up with a personal-Morse-code. And if caught, we could always prove it was just gibberish. But the cryptic nature of the whole transaction lent a magical feel to that phase of my life.

(I tried the secret code language with a couple of girls during middle school. I thought it was quite cool. But all I got in return was the standard answer – I just consider you a good friend and I’ve never looked at you ‘in that way’. So I happily concluded that I’m a nice guy. Realization dawned upon me when I watched ‘The Big bang Theory’ many many years later)

And do you not remember how mom emotionally blackmailed us during teenage years with the (false) assurance that ‘a child should maintain an open and transparent relationship with parents and there should be no ‘secrets’ between them?’ I can count three instances on a daily basis! It may also be because I was a reticent and mischievous kid. So mom must have thought I might end up in underworld or something. Yes, she did get me tested. But in my days there were no conclusive lab tests to determine if I would grow up to become what I did.

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*Flashbacks of a Fool*

I (not-so-fondly) remember those special moments of secretive pacts with my sister. Being younger to her, I thought I could confide in her. After all she was supposed to protect me. But she broke my trust and told mom when I had booze for the first time. The bitter taste of betrayal (not to forget the chagrin of my dad) taught me the importance of keeping secrets.

Also, I realized a very important fact of life that day – this sister of mine will become a mother one day (hopefully to a kid NOT like me!). So maybe she was training for it? You know how they have those compulsory military training in some countries? Maybe my mom was using me as a test mule? It is a scary thought, but worth a consideration nonetheless.

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The whole concept of secrecy is so fascinating. Women have forged and broken best of friendships just by holding on to, or revealing a precious secret. Gossip has universal appeal, it’s a binding agent for them. But secret serves a dual purpose. It is a bonding as well as a breaking agent. You take a girl to any party, city, country or even to another planet. I can guarantee that if she gets along with other women quickly, it will only be because they have like-minded gossip to share. And the only reason they will refuse to even breathe in the same room is when one feels the other is holding a secret.

Actually it applies to men too. The phrase ‘Brothers from another mother‘ wasn’t coined just like that. While it is true that men socialize by drinking, watching or playing sports and basically checking out girls; it is also a fact that a man will only have 1-2 true friends in their whole life. You know, the type of friend with whom there are no secrets.

So ultimately its the word ‘secret’ which defines the magnitude and depth of the relationship here too.

Come to think of it, this enigma of secrecy has created and shaped a whole industry by itself. Governments across the world have spent millions (and counting) of dollars in gathering, protecting and stealing secrets from each other. A lot of blood has been shed to protect nuclear and defense secrets from falling into wrong hands. Countless movies have been made on the subject. If there is one job that every man in this world aspires (of course secretly!), it’s that of a spy. Admit it, the adrenalin rush you get from watching Jason Bourne or James Bond in action is far greater than most adventure sports out there. Throw in the charm of exotic locales, drool worthy cars and irresistible women and you have a winning combination. As long as you keep the formula intact, I can bet the next few generations of men (yes, straight ones too!) would continue salivating over spies.

And how can any discussion on secrets ever be complete without the mention of its importance in the life of a couple-in-love. Sharing secrets between a couple can be an ice breaker. Especially if you are in an arranged marriage format. Or it can be a deal breaker if you are caught. Especially in a love marriage. History is replete with stories of much-in-love couples who drifted apart overnight as skeletons started tumbling out of their closets.

But it’s still fascinating to me how sharing a secret immediately puts you in a more respectable position. Maybe its because your spouse views you as honest and truthful. Or because the Lady sees the Man as a more vulnerable creature (some men use that to their advantage). Perhaps that’s why they never like to exorcise the ghosts of past girlfriends? Unless they are with their male buddies, where it wins you bragging rights.

Many of you would also relate to the fact how office secrets literally lay the foundation for friendships that go beyond cubicles into bar evenings and then weekend trips together. It starts innocently from boss bitching, followed by mimicry (if you are a guy) or bitching (if two or more women are involved) and continues forever. In any workplace only two kinds of people wield power. Those who play corporate games well and those who know insider secrets.

I find it so captivating that a single word has such a deep rooted connection with everything around us; as if it is the building block of human psychology. Harboring an important secret successfully can make you a superhero. But spill out the beans – at the wrong place or at the wrong time – and you can really bring down the world!