Sometimes when I’m all alone, I get into an deep introspective mode. I begin to question my beliefs, values, approach towards life and basically – the fundamental of my existence. While I’m never able to conclusively come up with concrete answers, it’s surely a fascinating journey of self discovery. The purpose of this blog was to pen down such thoughts, as and when I discover something new about myself. It would be fun to read this blog after, say 20 years! Each introspection session has been an eye opener and at the same time, has raised several new questions for me to search answers to.

One of the first things that I learnt was about my hidden creativity. In fact, it was rather a rediscovery for me. I have always been interested in different forms of art – be it music, poetry, or writing. My friends look to me for providing them with emotional and spiritual support during distressed times. My hobbies are also creativity based, like understanding (while listening to and mixing) music and writing. On the other hand, my previous job was entirely ‘left brain’ focused i.e. number crunching, analytical thinking and logical decision making. So unknowingly, I was using a “whole brain” approach in my life till now. But the exercise of tapping the right brain actually provided me an explanation to this. The experience bolstered my self confidence to a different level altogether. It brought out a completely untapped humorous side to me!

Another revelation was when I learnt the concept of ‘Body Image‘, during which I could feel pain in my lower back and neck. Till now, I was thinking that these past illnesses (chronic pains) were cropping up due to stressors like continuous high pressure of work, adjusting to a new city, irregular sleeping times, sedentary lifestyle etc. While this was one aspect of it, the spiritual explanation lies in the theory of ‘Mind-Body splits’. My schedule demands me to concentrate on various things (mostly mind related such as work and home). However my heart wants me to pursue my hobbies in equal measure. Hence I was facing ‘head vs. body‘ or ‘idealism vs. realism‘ split. This happens due to the clash between my mind and heart. From the feedback that I have received in past and my own introspection, I know that I tend to think from my brain but act according to my heart. In the long term, it restricts one from performing to his fullest potential. This causes irritation and frustration in the short term. This affects interpersonal relations as well – causing further pain and depression. See how life comes a full circle?

The other very useful theory I learnt was ‘Body-mind connections‘. It reinforced certain beliefs which I could not explain till now. I now know that I have a sturdy posture, with feet firmly rooted, because I’m self confident and have a solid support system in the form of my family. I used to have regular back pain, because of my constant effort at trying to balance life between working/studying and having fun. My shoulders felt burdened because I have the habit of setting extremely over ambitious targets for myself and taking on a lot of responsibility. These conflicts gave rise to a lot of unwanted feelings and restricted actions. In hindsight, a lot of my decisions have been wrong because of these internal conflicts.

To come up with a metaphor that would summarize my experiences described above, the most apt incident will be to talk about my role on (an imaginary) stage.

“I feel successful like Alexander, Powerful like Achilles and a Dreamer like Morpheus”

In an ‘altered state of consciousness‘, I see myself as a ‘rich, successful business man/high flying executive’. My head is thrown back in a confident posture, my hands are in pocket and I am dressed in an expensive suit and designer shoes. I felt relaxed and comfortable in that position. Hence, I felt powerful, victorious and unbeaten – much like Alexander.

Like Achilles, I know that I have a conquering attitude and a desire to be famous for my deeds. However, I’m aware of my weak areas, just like ‘Achilles’ Heel’ which if left undeveloped/untreated, can prove to be fatal for my future.

I call myself a dreamer like Morpheus, because I love to sleep and love to dream. Not only do I dream while sleeping but also when I’m awake. However, my day dreams are not castles in the air, but are motivating and inspirational for me and guide me to achieve more in my life.